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l'étranger
25 August 2012 @ 12:26 am
And the Livejournal is still archived from 2003. Huh. I've been nostalgia binging recently to clean out my computer; I thought I'd see if this still exists.

I've just read the entirety of this blog, then. Brought back memories, past selves, and most clearly, past voices.

Prior me intrigues myself, with its depressions, obsessions, awkward musings, and immature tone.

So, my notes:

I began reading at the start, of course. I knew my high school self, though; that part of me is still familiar, for some reason.

Brief, note, for the fun of it: the Requiem I refer to on Nov. 6, 2005 is Ligeti's. Recently used it as a soundtrack for something on a demo reel. Of all requiems I've heard, it's the one that gets the fear of death right.

Alex of 2005: for one thing, I'm sorry. For what it's worth, some of the songs you'll write won't suck. For another thing, yeah, what you're talking about is, in fact, clinical depression.

It'll take time and a lot of semi-distraction, but it'll pass. Janurary Alex, you won't have to deal with it for the rest of the year.
Yes, you'll have to deal with "Livin' on a Prayer" every week for the rest of the year. It'll make for a decent, but brief story.

You can't synthesize guitar parts.

Sorry, Alex, but your attempts at being non-creepy ain't working. Seriously, they aren't. REMEMBER YOUR AUDIENCE. Stop semi-stalking. [Oh, I'm seven years too late on that one. Whoops.]

Your vocal range gets a lot better, at least.

Seriously, you can't synthesize guitar parts. Stop.

She did the right thing, though I'm sure you knew that to some degree. Glad you've finally lost hope. No, really, Camus was right about that. You'll be healing now. I know it sucks, though.

I wonder what song that 3/4 jazz waltzy thing was (May 26).

See, once you gat back from Trinity that year, it wasn't so bad.

Well, your job was pretty awful, but at least you weren't depressed, exactly. Kept ya busy.

To August 2006 me: See! Told ya.

And my oft-recounted 6hr phone conversation happened on September 9th. Good to know.

I'm skipping over a lot of these lyrics/poems. I know the good ones, the mediocre-to-flawed-to-terrible ones make me cringe.

My Fall 2006 self apears to be the first self I resemble.

First manifestation of my love for sound is in September 2007. Huh.

To my Discordian self: Don't give your attempted insanity too much credit.

November 13, 2007: Shortly after writing that, I threw "The Virtue of Selfishness" at the wall. I stopped reading it pretty soon afterward.


After that note, there's not much more to say. That's either because I'm tired, or I'm less and less alienated from the person I was becoming. I've been pretty much myself, I suppose, since meeting my fiancée. Six years of being similar. The wedding is finally approaching.

There's more about the present; there always is. This, though, is for the past.
Tags:
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: "Stagger Lee" - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
 
 
l'étranger
27 April 2009 @ 01:41 am
Clarinet is back and I'm not worrying about that as much anymore.

Now, I need to finish working on my composition.

Singing's fine.

Final classes are wednesday.

Looking forward and extremely apprehensive about the weekend.

Night all.
 
 
l'étranger
22 April 2009 @ 02:13 am
A) Tautologies really are meaningful; it's just a matter of context. I'll have to use that in an essay.
B) I should've been listening to Ligeti for quite a while.
C) It's late.

Night all.
 
 
Current Music: Weber Clar. Concerto no.2 mvt. 2 is running through my head.
 
 
l'étranger
09 April 2009 @ 01:46 am
Furiously working on composing and practicing. In a week's worth of work, I have a good deal of parts I and II of "The Hollow Men" set to melodies, with accompaniment (as well as the melodies for part of sections III-V) sketched out. It's highly dissonant, and I need to make sure none of it is plagarized from Holst.

It'll be accompanied by my computer. I have non-"acoustic" things in mind for some of this, and I don't feel like putting my accompanist through much more strain. It should be fun, though it's not at all happy (hey, it fits the poem). I think I've used about three major chords in it. Here's to the whole-tone and octatonic scales.

I'm making too little progress on Debussy.

I suppose this is what it feels like to be a serious musician.

Of course, there's philosophy work to be done, too, but that's currently in the background.
 
 
Current Music: The Hollow Men
 
 
l'étranger
21 August 2008 @ 11:06 pm
Okay, why didn't I figure this out (http://thefreudianpetticoat.blogspot.com/2008/05/dramatic-fugues.html)?

QuoteCollapse )

It continues with stuff that, if I was cool and knew the actual chants, I would've caught.  I should've picked up on the Dies Irae, too, since it's used so often in music.  Unfortunately, I can't seem to remember it.

I have more that I've been meaning to say, but I don't really have the time at the moment.

Night
 
 
 
l'étranger
11 July 2008 @ 08:53 pm
Oh, and, I forgot, the voice lessons grade was an A.
 
 
l'étranger
13 November 2007 @ 12:14 am
Another note: I've taken to annotating The Virtue of Selfishness. I'll admit, the book, well, pisses me off. Rand "straw-mans" most of her opposition's arguments. She 'gallantly' posits total selfishness as an alternative to total selflessness, completely unnecessarily. I get the impression from her text of her being extremely self-righteous and, well, a bully.

Yech.
 
 
Current Music: Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau - Rast
 
 
l'étranger
16 February 2006 @ 02:22 pm
I came upon the realization last night that love is like Brahman, with its aspects. There is a love like Shiva, one like Vishnu, one like Brahma (a destroyer, a preserver, a creator). Love has an ineffible number of different forms, yet all are simply part of the greater love.

I also finished the second sonnet I've written in my life. Oddly, I like writing in iambic pentameter. It's one of the easier meters to write in.

I'm still going insane, but insanity's progression is slower now. I think it's because I haven't been keeping up with the events in everyone's life. Sorry; I just can't afford to lose my sanity right now. Over spring break, I'll immerse myself in it. But, right now, I need to be productive.
 
 
Current Music: My own music. How vain of me.
 
 
l'étranger
25 October 2005 @ 10:38 pm
"Existentialism is not atheist in the sense that it would exhaust itself in demonstrations of the non-existence of God. It declares, rather, that even if God existed that would make no difference from its point of view. Not that we believe God does exist, but we think that the real problem is not that of His existence; what man needs is to find himself again and to understand that nothing can save him from himself, not even a valid proof of the existence of God. In this sense existentialism is optimistic. It is a doctrine of action, and it is only by self-deception, by confining their own despair with ours that Christians can describe us as without hope."

Amen, brother.

Though, Camus says to realize true happiness, one must abandon hope. This, I find to be unnecessary, though. A certain type of hope is counterproductive and self-deceptive, certainly, but not all hope. I think that this deceptive form of hope is what Camus argues against, but who am I to make that judgement; after all, Camus was the only one who could've said out of certainty. The interpretation is my own.

(Not to demonize Christianity, but they (you, perhaps) are those whom Sartre uses as examples of objectors.)